When I first started blogging back in 2004, my focus was just on my random thoughts and musings....hence the name "Randomnimnity." After a few years of avid blogging, I took a break. Only to pick up the habit again once I found out I was pregnant in the summer of 2009. I changed my blog's name to "The Wright Stuff," thinking I'd be this Super-Mom blogger detailing every aspect of my pregnancy, the birth of my daughter, the first days/weeks/months/years of her life, and all of the other fun stuff that a young family encounters on a day-to-day basis. Yeah. That lasted all of 3 posts. And I haven't written since.
Well, here we are. On the cusp of a whole new journey entirely. One which has my mind going in a million different directions. One of the best ways I am able to sort through my thoughts and feelings is to get them down in writing. I don't even care if they are never read. As long as I "get them out" somehow, I can make some sort of sense about them.
My Dad has always had a button in his truck that said "29 and holding." He's always, always, always answered, "How old are you?" with "29." And this year, he celebrated his 30th Anniversary of his 29th Birthday. I always thought that was so silly!! I NEVER thought that age would "bother" me. I have LOVED and welcomed birthdays. I'm sure many of my friends would agree that I often had BirthWEEKS instead of BirthDAYS. So I never, ever, ever, ever thought that being 29 looking at 30 would seem so scary to me!! I really don't think it would, if I didn't have this other little identity crisis going on this year.....
See...I have been teaching for 7 years. Before that, I studied Elementary Education at Clemson University for 4 years. Before that, I did two years of "Teaching as a Profession" during my Junior and Senior years in high school. Before that, all I ever remember wanting to do was teach. So, when I made the decision to leave the field of education for an indefinite amount of time to stay at home and raise my daughter, I never imagined I'd be having this hard of a time with it!! Don't get me wrong--I am beyond blessed to have the opportunity to stay home. And the deciding factor in my staying home was that I don't think I will ever regret staying home, but I know there is a good chance that I would regret NOT. So, I am doing as many other moms have done before me and put my career aside in order to give my child and my husband the best of me. This past year teaching was difficult on my family--I put my job first, and being a wife and mother came 2nd. In the whole grand scheme of things, I realized I needed to put my family first. But still. I can't help but be feel a little "left behind" as my friends and co-workers all went back to work today. Together. And I didn't.
So here I am...29 and holding...
...Unsure of where life will lead me next. Unsure of how successful I'll be as a Stay-At-Home-Mom. Unsure about what the last few months of my 30th year on Earth will bring. Unsure of growing up!!
